it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
soo... how was my night?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
