And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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