YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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