I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
