I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
