I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
