Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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