It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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