If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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