My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Enjoy the penises
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
