She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have aggressive nipples.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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