Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
this just has baby written all over it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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