May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
