I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
