some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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