just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
