I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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