im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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