The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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