He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
