Pappa wants mamma naked
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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