so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
