mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
