college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him