My first STD was from a foam party
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.