biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!