You don't have asthma, your pregnant
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party