She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.