I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
