I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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