I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
