She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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