it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This is the high leading the old right now
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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