In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
