Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
