U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
