it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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