Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
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Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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