I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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