using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
