matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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