last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
