Texts From Last Night

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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?

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  (563): Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water? http://tfl.nu/o66m
  Replies (29) Good night (1063) Bad night (4341)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  hahaha! you have a girlfriend

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...

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  (520): hahaha! you have a girlfriend (1-520): tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today... http://tfl.nu/4wx1
  Replies (20) Good night (4454) Bad night (1392)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.

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  (706): lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand. http://tfl.nu/av0q
  Replies (58) Good night (6391) Bad night (893)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"

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  (303): hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen" http://tfl.nu/6cx3
  Replies (52) Good night (9510) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW

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  (403): OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW http://tfl.nu/587x
  Replies (15) Good night (5128) Bad night (1182)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

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  (419): I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/ussa
  Replies (37) Good night (2279) Bad night (7829)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...

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  (780): It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan... http://tfl.nu/8psb
  Replies (20) Good night (1028) Bad night (4074)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.

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  (502): Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication. http://tfl.nu/d8fz
  Replies (4) Good night (1956) Bad night (1119)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.

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  (720): He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were. http://tfl.nu/8g5z
  Replies (7) Good night (859) Bad night (2429)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.

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  (613): You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw. http://tfl.nu/41w7
  Replies (10) Good night (1550) Bad night (1032)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."

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  (814): I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day." http://tfl.nu/1vs8
  Replies (5) Good night (1171) Bad night (1654)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...

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  (208): This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king... http://tfl.nu/nr91
  Replies (1) Good night (617) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?

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  (408): I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win? http://tfl.nu/gfqe
  Replies (12) Good night (771) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.

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  (504): You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place. http://tfl.nu/e382
  Replies (0) Good night (406) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds

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  (209): Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds http://tfl.nu/gpe4
  Replies (2) Good night (564) Bad night (377)

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