Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.