is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.