I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.