i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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