I just threw up on my dentist
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
