I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation