Just fell off a train. Bad.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.