had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
