Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
