i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
