He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
