I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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