I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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