my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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