I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
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Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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