you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
please come you make the beer taste better
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
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yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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