I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
