he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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