hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
