Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
