i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize