I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize