I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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